Club act to ensure positive approach

The club today made another decisive step towards maintaining an UPWARD SPIRAL and having a POSITIVE APPROACH with an announcement sent to fans on their mailing list.

This news follows the sacking earlier this month of popular assistant Paul Brush because of perceived negativity. In his justification of the move, Chairman Ron Martin claimed he wanted to bring about a fresh outlook to the struggling League One side. The sacking of Brush was followed by the hiring of legendary manager Dave Webb, a move that was condemned by some as cosmetic, but one which did bring about a revival in fortunes as Essex's finest went on a three match unbeaten run, including their first win of 2010.

However in the aftermath of Saturday's devastating defeat at Bristol Rovers, the club moved quickly to emphasis how much worse things could be, by promoting tickets to hear Alvin Martin talk about football. The former Hamster scum is the last manager to have relegated Southend from this division. Under Martin's mismanagement the club slid from the third tier of English football to the verge of the conference - a depth the Blues are proud to have never sunk as low as, unlike their inbred neighbours.

The relief that the inept Scouser Scummer is no longer in charge is likely to be just the boost Southend need ahead of their do or die Easter weekend meetings, as the Blues seek to come back from the dead in a manner not seen since Nicky Bailey died of shame after being tapped in the chest by JFC. For as bad as things may appear at Roots Hall at the moment, at least we haven't still got Alvin Martin in charge.

Southend to appoint legend as assistant

SOUTHEND United are set to react to yet another devastating away defeat by appointing a legendary former manager as assistant to manager Steve Tilson.

The Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk understands that chairman Ron Martin will appoint the former Southend and Torquay manager as assistant manager on Tuesday as he seeks to stave off relegation, an outcome he described as "fatal".

It is hoped that the former full-back will be the man to shore up United's shaky defence that has been leaking goals at an alarming rate and led to assistant manager, Paul Brush being sacked.

When Southend last slipped to an away defeat and into the relegation zone, chairman Ron Martin pulled the trigger and sacked Tilson's long term assistant, Brush. Martin, who promised Tilson would get to choose his own number two, was quick to appoint the sexagenarian Dave Webb as Tilson's assistant until the end of the season, despite Webb having been out of football for some time.

The legendary Webb's return, for no less than his fifth stint, provided a short term boost to the struggling League One side, who drew two and won one of their next three games. However the Webb effect appears to have worn off as the team surrendered an early two goal lead at Bristol Rovers and slumped to a 4-3 defeat.

Now Martin is hoping to capture lightning in a bottle twice - and for Southend to win twice in 2010 - by appointing the septuagenarian Dave Smith as assistant assistant manager.

It is hoped that the dream team of the three most successful managers in Southend United's history will save Southend, or at the very least placate fans. Chairman Martin though refused to be drawn on speculation that such appointments were gimmicks to cover over the fact that the club is subject to a transfer embargo and are unable to bring in any new signings and therefore have to make do with populist appointments of pensioners who have been out of football for years. However a source, who did not wish to be named, revealed that plans to attract the legendary Bob Jack back had to be dropped once Ron Martin saw the price mediums were charging these days.

Breaking News: Assistant Manager Sacked!!!!

'Drastic times call for drastic measures' appears to be the message coming out of the chairman's office at Roots Hall.

With the spectre of relegation looming over the South East Essex club, the Southend United Chairman took the highly unusual step of sacking not the manager, but rather his experienced assistant. The move has caught many by surprise in Southend, who have been struggling for much of this year without seemingly any concern from up high.

However another away defeat on Saturday - the team has yet to pick up a point on the road this calendar year - appears to be the final straw for the assistant, if not the manager. The team now lies firmly ensconced in the relegation zone and the historic ground-breaking success of six years earlier seemingly set to unravel.

Relegation is likely to be financially disastrous for the club, and if the chairman - who despite overseeing consecutive promotions and second tier football remain deeply unpopular - couldn't afford to sack a manager who remains popular from his playing days, he couldn't afford  not to take any action either.


So with his hands financially tied - although many would suggest by his own doing - Chairman Vic Jobson had nowhere else to turn but to sack Ronnie Whelan's assistant manager, Theo Foley in an attempt to break out of the downward spiral that threatens to send the club to the bottom of the bottom tier of the Football League and a depression that could last a generation.

2009 Christmas present review

Here at the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk we're nothing if not topical, so here's our run-down of last year's hottest Christmas stocking fillers:


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The Southend United Sat-Nav system

Tired of heading down blind allies like Damien Scannell? Looking as lost and out of place as Johnny Herd? Is your positioning all over the place like Simon Francis?

Then you need the celebratory endorsed Southend United Sat-Nav system with instructions barked out by Southend United Assistant Manager Paul Brush!

Says Southend United manager Steve Tilson about the Southend United Sat-Nav system: "like"!

RRP: £3,000
Our price: £2,999

Features include:

* The Alan McCormack pub finder
* The Ron Martin blog mode, for when you need a period of silence

Don't know where you want to go: simply choose the Francis Laurent random function!

Going abroad? Then simply upgrade to the Southend United Sat-Nav DELUXE model featuring Franck Moussa which will provide directions in French, Belgian Waffle and English.


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The Dougie Freedman Mobility Scooter

Tired of having trouble reaching that Alan McCormack misplaced pass?

Then you need the Dougie Freedman Mobility Scooter. This obsolete museum piece is guaranteed* to leave defenders in their wake. The Dougie Freedman Mobility Scooter comes with three speeds as standard: slow, slower and dummy it.

RRP: around £3,000 a week
Our price: FREE! (buyer must collect)

Says Southend United manager Steve Tilson: "like" and "I use it as much as I can."

Batteries not included.
Colours: Tommy Black or John White.


*Warning: Does not work in cold weather


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Southend United Novelty Calendar

Tired of not getting round to stuff and posting Christmas related pieces up in early January?

Then you need a Southend United themed squad calendar, featuring the entire squad and a different player for each month!

The perfect gift for any Southend United fan who wants to keep themselves organised from January (Adam Barrett) all the way through to October (Steve Parmenter)!

Featuring Ian Joyce as Mr February!!!

The perfect way for any fan to countdown the number of days left in the transfer window before Mr September (Lee Barnard) completes his move elsewhere!

Comes complete with tax return dates helpfully marked on to avoid those unnecessary train journeys up to the High Court.

RRP: £4.99
Our price: £7.99

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Sanfoka-Sudoku

Entertain the entire family with this new craze that is sweeping the country!

Simply try to figure out where Osei Sankofa fits into Steve Tilson's defence. The rules are straight forward as contestants simply have to perm the available defenders into a back four remembering that you can't play the same back four more than once! It's a lot harder than it looks, particularly when you've only got three fit defenders!!!

RRP: £200,000
Our price: free or on loan!!!

Comes complete with superfluous exclamation marks!!!


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All gifts are available from the Southend United gift shop on a buy now pay three years later basis. Ask inside for details.

Prices are either inclusive or exclusive of VAT, or at least would be if we if we paid any.
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