Here at the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk we're nothing if not topical, so here's our run-down of last year's hottest Christmas stocking fillers:
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The Southend United Sat-Nav system
Tired of heading down blind allies like Damien Scannell? Looking as lost and out of place as Johnny Herd? Is your positioning all over the place like Simon Francis?
Then you need the celebratory endorsed Southend United Sat-Nav system with instructions barked out by Southend United Assistant Manager Paul Brush!
Says Southend United manager Steve Tilson about the Southend United Sat-Nav system: "like"!
RRP: £3,000
Our price: £2,999
Features include:
* The Alan McCormack pub finder
* The Ron Martin blog mode, for when you need a period of silence
Don't know where you want to go: simply choose the Francis Laurent random function!
Going abroad? Then simply upgrade to the Southend United Sat-Nav DELUXE model featuring Franck Moussa which will provide directions in French, Belgian Waffle and English.
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The Dougie Freedman Mobility Scooter
Tired of having trouble reaching that Alan McCormack misplaced pass?
Then you need the Dougie Freedman Mobility Scooter. This obsolete museum piece is guaranteed* to leave defenders in their wake. The Dougie Freedman Mobility Scooter comes with three speeds as standard: slow, slower and dummy it.
RRP: around £3,000 a week
Our price: FREE! (buyer must collect)
Says Southend United manager Steve Tilson: "like" and "I use it as much as I can."
Batteries not included.
Colours: Tommy Black or John White.
*Warning: Does not work in cold weather
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Southend United Novelty Calendar
Tired of not getting round to stuff and posting Christmas related pieces up in early January?
Then you need a Southend United themed squad calendar, featuring the entire squad and a different player for each month!
The perfect gift for any Southend United fan who wants to keep themselves organised from January (Adam Barrett) all the way through to October (Steve Parmenter)!
Featuring Ian Joyce as Mr February!!!
The perfect way for any fan to countdown the number of days left in the transfer window before Mr September (Lee Barnard) completes his move elsewhere!
Comes complete with tax return dates helpfully marked on to avoid those unnecessary train journeys up to the High Court.
RRP: £4.99
Our price: £7.99
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Sanfoka-Sudoku
Entertain the entire family with this new craze that is sweeping the country!
Simply try to figure out where Osei Sankofa fits into Steve Tilson's defence. The rules are straight forward as contestants simply have to perm the available defenders into a back four remembering that you can't play the same back four more than once! It's a lot harder than it looks, particularly when you've only got three fit defenders!!!
RRP: £200,000
Our price: free or on loan!!!
Comes complete with superfluous exclamation marks!!!
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All gifts are available from the Southend United gift shop on a buy now pay three years later basis. Ask inside for details.
Prices are either inclusive or exclusive of VAT, or at least would be if we if we paid any.
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Tuesday 5 January 2010
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