Southend sign "new McCormack"

Southend moved quickly to replace the Tenerife Charlton Reserves bound Alan McCormack when the League Two club announced that Barry Corr had signed a pre-contract agreement.

Corr,who is Irish and has an abysmal disciplinary record, is seen as a like for like replacement for the departed McCormack. Whilst Corr is allegedly a forward rather than a midfielder, he shares with his compatriot a similarly dire shooting record, having netted a mere three times last season. Beleagured residents of Shakespeare Drive reacted with dismay at the prospect, although to be fair it is not yet known whether the former musician will be as wayward.

Fans at McCormack's old club, Mayhem, treated the news with cautious optimism and hoped that the signing was evidence that Southend United was indeed on an upward spiral.

McCormack: "Disgraceful"

Disgraceful: that was the damning verdict handed out on departed midfielder Alan "first name on the team sheet" McCormack's performances over the last couple of seasons.

In an exclusive interview McCormack revealed that he's been on performance-related pay for the past 6 months. Whilst most League One footballers could expect to take home around two grand a week, McCormack revealed that due to his lacklustre performances in central midfield that led to relegation for the South Essex side, he's been eligible for just two win bonuses in the past 6 months.

It's believed that the former Orient loanee, has received only five goal bonuses in the last two seasons (and even those were mainly thanks to some generous deflections), despite regularly peppering the flats behind the South Bank.

McCormack, who made it clear that he didn't want to slag off his former club, then went onto slag off his former club, the referee and most of his former team-mates.

A spokesman for his former club, Mayhem, declined to comment.

Hiatus Appeal Latest

Most of you will already be aware of the news of the hiatus in wages in January that has shocked the world.

News spread quickly, much of it by modern social networking sites, such as Alan McCormack's facebook account, whilst others will have only found out later by more traditional means such as the Southend Afternoon Echo.

News of this has hit many hard, with many people's belief in Ron Martin in particular badly hit. Whilst people come to terms with the scale of this, we ask you to think of this hardest hit. If you could spare some loose change, you could make a difference in the lives of those less well off than yourself.

What your money could buy:

£7.99 - buys a KFC bargain bucket to feed the malnourished Anthony Grant as he recovers from injury
£1.99 - would get some Werther's Orginals for Dougie Freedman to suck on whilst on the bench (300g pack, so should last for multiple games)
£5 (and upwards)- a proper footballer's haircut for Scott Spencer
£3.50 (approx) - a pint for Alan McCormack at Varsity/Mayhem etc to help ease the pain
Undisclosed (but quite possibly free) - Matthew Paterson 
£1 - a novelty comb for Adam Barrett to remind him of better times

Please give generously.

Donate now by clicking here

January sales - end today!

The January sales are now in full flow and it is no different at Roots Hall when it comes to seasonal bargains for the New Year.

Our core of the side is up for sale, which includes Barnard, Francis and McCormack all with 50% of the RRP. That means you can buy our only source of goals, assists and bookings respectively.

If you need a goalscoring centre-forward then we have one available at the bargain basement price of £175,000- PLEASE NOTE THIS ITEM IS NOW SOLD OUT; a right-back/centre-half available to any interested Championship clubs (subject to personal terms) and if Millwall haven't finalised a deal already (although we'll deny that they've made a bid, despite previously having claimed otherwise), a fiery midfielder who finally looks as if he's interested again.

Don't forget, if you still have not had a chance to pick up the new Blues 2010 Calendar then do so today for an incredible £4!

With the winter weather causing havoc on the roads and last weekend's game which was nearly postponed, then why not take advantage of our online shop and let us deliver Dougie Freedman to your door.

The sale is available online, so why not check it out before all the bargains go to other League One clubs.

And remember with our special Ron Martin payment plan, you can buy today and only have to pay when the bailiffs come knocking!

2009 Christmas present review

Here at the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk we're nothing if not topical, so here's our run-down of last year's hottest Christmas stocking fillers:


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The Southend United Sat-Nav system

Tired of heading down blind allies like Damien Scannell? Looking as lost and out of place as Johnny Herd? Is your positioning all over the place like Simon Francis?

Then you need the celebratory endorsed Southend United Sat-Nav system with instructions barked out by Southend United Assistant Manager Paul Brush!

Says Southend United manager Steve Tilson about the Southend United Sat-Nav system: "like"!

RRP: £3,000
Our price: £2,999

Features include:

* The Alan McCormack pub finder
* The Ron Martin blog mode, for when you need a period of silence

Don't know where you want to go: simply choose the Francis Laurent random function!

Going abroad? Then simply upgrade to the Southend United Sat-Nav DELUXE model featuring Franck Moussa which will provide directions in French, Belgian Waffle and English.


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The Dougie Freedman Mobility Scooter

Tired of having trouble reaching that Alan McCormack misplaced pass?

Then you need the Dougie Freedman Mobility Scooter. This obsolete museum piece is guaranteed* to leave defenders in their wake. The Dougie Freedman Mobility Scooter comes with three speeds as standard: slow, slower and dummy it.

RRP: around £3,000 a week
Our price: FREE! (buyer must collect)

Says Southend United manager Steve Tilson: "like" and "I use it as much as I can."

Batteries not included.
Colours: Tommy Black or John White.


*Warning: Does not work in cold weather


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Southend United Novelty Calendar

Tired of not getting round to stuff and posting Christmas related pieces up in early January?

Then you need a Southend United themed squad calendar, featuring the entire squad and a different player for each month!

The perfect gift for any Southend United fan who wants to keep themselves organised from January (Adam Barrett) all the way through to October (Steve Parmenter)!

Featuring Ian Joyce as Mr February!!!

The perfect way for any fan to countdown the number of days left in the transfer window before Mr September (Lee Barnard) completes his move elsewhere!

Comes complete with tax return dates helpfully marked on to avoid those unnecessary train journeys up to the High Court.

RRP: £4.99
Our price: £7.99

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Sanfoka-Sudoku

Entertain the entire family with this new craze that is sweeping the country!

Simply try to figure out where Osei Sankofa fits into Steve Tilson's defence. The rules are straight forward as contestants simply have to perm the available defenders into a back four remembering that you can't play the same back four more than once! It's a lot harder than it looks, particularly when you've only got three fit defenders!!!

RRP: £200,000
Our price: free or on loan!!!

Comes complete with superfluous exclamation marks!!!


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All gifts are available from the Southend United gift shop on a buy now pay three years later basis. Ask inside for details.

Prices are either inclusive or exclusive of VAT, or at least would be if we if we paid any.
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