Official: it is on

After days/hours/minutes of intense speculation, it as been confirmed that this afternoon's big event will be staged in Yeovil as planned. Rumours had been circulated that it might be called off, however officials at Huish Park have confirmed that the Southend United annual panto, Snow White and the Four Dwarves, is still on.

The news will come as a disappointment to panto director Steve Tilson. Tilson would dearly have liked more time to prepare and to find another three dwarves. He already had to abandon attempts to stage Jack and the Beanstalk after his giant, Jean-Yves M'voto had to withdraw through injury and Baron Hardup (Ron Martin) sold the cow to Sainsburys and then handed over the magic beans to HMRC.

Martin is likely to be a central figure, along with Geoff King who is set to once again perform the role of the pantomime baddie with such sketches as:

GK: "I never said anything bad about Revell"
Everyone else: "Oh yes you did"

RM: "Who has the warchest?"
GK: "You've got it"
RM: "Oh no, I haven't"


and

GK: "What's happened to our financial difficulties"
RM: "They are behind us"
Unpaid players: "Oh no they are not"