Wembley Pitch Latest

As the football season draws (or in Southend's case presumably just loses) to an end, the hot topic of conversation on everyone's lips is about the state of the Wembley pitch.

The pitch came under severe criticism during last month's FA Cup final.

Managers and pundits were united in their condemnation of the playing surface. "Some teams play all season on pitches resembling beaches, and then come cup final teams are expected to play on a surface where there is grass and where centre-halves won't fall over to gift them incredibly soft goals" said one player, who was only willing to be identified as Adam from Southend. "Fortunately Colchester aren't ever likely to get to a cup final - I mean a proper one, where they'd maybe have to beat their local rivals in the semi-finals, not some crappy non-league one like the FA Vase - but the point still stands, or at least it would try and stand before slipping over and gifting the opposition an undeserved goal."

Wembley bosses were meanwhile trying to reassure spectators and media alike that everything is being done to improve the quality of the pitch.

"We tried to get a massive, stinking pile of manure on the pitch on Sunday" a Wembley official confirmed, "but Rotherham wouldn't co-operate. Apparently they'd have brought him on as sub, but they needed to score and he wasn't going to be much help at that. It's a shame, because he was genuinely the biggest load of s**t I've ever seen."

Green light for Blue Flag?

Colchester's Weston Care in the Community stadium has been nominated for a prestigious award.

The Third Division side's pitch was last night unveiled in front of the national TV cameras as amongst the finalists for this year's Blue Flag awards. The Blue Flag awards are handed out yearly to beaches that meet a strict quality control criteria.

As usual Colchester is lagging behind it's more illustrious neighbour in the south of the county, as a number of Southend beaches have already been awarded this honour, including the Three Shells beach, East Beach and Shoebury Common Beach.

It is hoped that the awarding of the internationally recognised honour will boost tourism in the north of the county, which has yet again seen disappointingly few people turn up this year to the newly opened beach. Even the addition of perennial seaside favourites, the donkeys - Clive Platt and Kayode Odejayi foremost amongst them - have failed to boost visitor numbers, with attendances in North Essex remaining embarrassingly low.

The sight of a blue flag fluttering above the stands would provide a big boost for Colchester fans deprived of entertainment and who, because of manager Aidy Boothroyd's hoof-ball tactics, already spend an inordinate amount of time starting up in the air.

The move is however not without controversy, as debate has ensued over whether the Care in the Community pitch is a beach, or as some critics claim a ploughed field. Others have claimed that the presence of so much rubbish in Tesco's carrier bags on the Weston Care in the Community pitch also make it unworthy of such an award.