Southend to play in stilettos

The Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk can exclusively reveal that Southend United will be playing against Port Vale in stilettos. The revelation follows the success of the white socks that were introduced to give the team a more authentic "Essex look".

Now the club are taking it one stage further by combining it with stilettos. As boss Paul Sturrock explained*: "the stiletto is even more associated with Essex than white socks, plus they give more grip than studded boots."

"As Anthony Grant seems to have trouble standing up in boots, we're hoping he can stop bruising himself when he falls to the floor every time he's tackled, by wearing stilettos.

The 6 inch heels should give more purchase than the usual studs he wears, and will make tackling more interesting. I'm looking forward to it."

The club is also apparently looking at playing around a couple of Alan McCormack's old discarded handbags.



* Please note the Southend Echo Sportsdesk accepts no liability over the accuracy of any Paul Sturrock's statements. To be honest we might as well make it all up, because we haven't got a clue what he's saying either, but he doesn't half say it in a lovely Scottish accent.

Mystery solved at Wembley

So that is what Zoltan Liptak looks like.

Club have nothing better to do than sit around and read Shrimperzone

In dramatic news today, it emerged that the club has, like most of us, nothing* better to do with our time than sit around and read SZ and/or twitter.

Within 3 hours of the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk breaking the exclusive story about squad numbers (following a tip-off on leading football web-site Shrimperzone), the club was forced to issue a climatic backdown and deny the intrepid Phil Christopers' scoop by printing the actual squad numbers.

The Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk would like to apologise to all Southend fans who rushed to the club shop to have Blair Sturrock "12" printed on their shirts.



*Other than signing 3 players, but the Barker and Simpson loan deals were done last week and I still have no idea who Adam Bouzid is.

Southend set to announce squad numbers

With the transfer embargo just hours/days/months away from being lifted ahead of the new season, Southend United are set to announce the new squad numbers for the 2010/2011 season.

With only one player remaining from 12 months ago, it's set to be all change with every number except for 7 up for grabs. And whilst some of the key numbers have still - according to the club's official website - to be assigned, it seems that the likes of Sean Clohessy, Peter Gilbert, Craig Easton, Barry Corr and Sofiene Zaaboub have all already been handed numbers.

Of those given numbers, the biggest story is the coveted number 12 shirt. The Blue Voice were believed to be keen on becoming the official 12th man, but instead the 12 shirt appears to have been handed to the manager's son, the oddly named Blair Sturrock.

An unnamed, made-up, club spokesman explained the decision: "The Blue Voice were keen to be the 12th man and the club were keen for the number 12 shirt to represent the club's support. We're confident that the reception that will greet Blair - who's already been written off as useless by many and only signed because of who his father is - when he finally makes his Southend debut, will achieve just that."

"I mean what says loyal supporters better than booing a player before he's even kicked a ball for us? So whenever I hear 'coming on for Southend United, number 12 Blair Sturrock, boooooo' I will instantly think of the fans."