SOUTHEND UNITED ACCUSED OF FIXING RESULTS

The world of Southend United was plunged into CONTROVERSY once more when the club was accused of FIXING RESULTS.

The games in question are believed to be last Saturday's home game and the previous week's encounter at Northampton.

A Southend Afternoon Echo exclusive investigation can now EXCLUSIVELY reveal that these results were not a 3-2 defeat to Morecambe (or even Morecombe, who Craig Easton believed he was playing against) and a 2-1 loss at Northampton as previously believed.

Instead the Southend Afternoon Echo can WORLD EXCLUSIVELY report that "The Blues are currently unbeaten in the last three League games".

The explosive e-mail

These EXPLOSIVE claims came in an e-mail received by the Southend Afternoon Echo at 5:59 PM on 21 September 2010 from the club amusingly entitled EAST ON....AQUA AEROBICS, SPEEDOS AND GOLF! After club captain Craig Easton reveals about how "GUTTED" everyone was at the result against "Morecombe" (sic), the e-mail refers to an article entitled HOSPITALITY OFFER where this outrageous 3 match unbeaten claim is made - a claim that is likely to either shock football to it's very core or be as shocking as Barry Corr.

In DAMNING footage obtained by the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk, the Roots Hall scoreboard is CLEARLY shown failing to record Morecambe's (or possibly Morecombe's) THREE goals as it does it's best to persuade shocked on-lookers that both teams were firing blanks.


Fans wanting to book their Executive Suite at this very special rate are then urged to call Junior Garrod on 01702 304128 or alternatively email your enquiry to junior.garrod@southend-united.co.uk

Southend to play in stilettos

The Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk can exclusively reveal that Southend United will be playing against Port Vale in stilettos. The revelation follows the success of the white socks that were introduced to give the team a more authentic "Essex look".

Now the club are taking it one stage further by combining it with stilettos. As boss Paul Sturrock explained*: "the stiletto is even more associated with Essex than white socks, plus they give more grip than studded boots."

"As Anthony Grant seems to have trouble standing up in boots, we're hoping he can stop bruising himself when he falls to the floor every time he's tackled, by wearing stilettos.

The 6 inch heels should give more purchase than the usual studs he wears, and will make tackling more interesting. I'm looking forward to it."

The club is also apparently looking at playing around a couple of Alan McCormack's old discarded handbags.



* Please note the Southend Echo Sportsdesk accepts no liability over the accuracy of any Paul Sturrock's statements. To be honest we might as well make it all up, because we haven't got a clue what he's saying either, but he doesn't half say it in a lovely Scottish accent.