Southend joins 2018 World Cup bidding

The Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk can exclusively reveal that Southend has made a dramatic late bid to become a 2018 World Cup host city.

The ambitious plan will make use of Southend United's state of the art new stadium at Fossetts Farm, which is due to be completed in 2019.

The bid is seen as the centre-piece in making Southend a modern sports metropolis. It also follows hot on the heels of news that Hadleigh will host the Olympics and Essex County Cricket Club will play their matches at Garons Park whilst the County Ground in Chelmsford is being redeveloped.

To support the bid, the town has rolled out a whole host of former world cup stars with links to the town, such as Efetobore Sodje (Nigeria), Mike Lapper (USA) and Ronnie Whelan (Ireland).

A Southend 2018 official offered an insight into the depth of planning that has gone into the bid: "the plan is to have Ronnie propping up the bar chatting to delegates who like a tipple; Efe will go round grinning and glad-handing; whilst Mike Lapper is to don a pair of plastic tits to neutralise the Gazza effect [Paul Gascoigne is a Newcastle-Gateshead bid ambassador]. We're pretty confident, after all we've got the Olympics and three first class cricket grounds [Garons Park, Southchurch Park and Chalkwell Park] in the town, so a football world cup is the next logical step."

With Hollywood and Southend legend Andy Ansah lending his expertise to the promotional video and thick-lipped, cockney twat and part-time chef, Jamie Oliver, who was born in Southend, promising not to get involved, signs are looking good for the 2018 bid.

Laurent and Christophe to turn on Hockley Xmas lights

Hockley's Christmas lights are set to be turned on with a bit of Gallic Flair this Christmas, with the news that Jean-Francois Christophe and hobbling compatriot Francis Laurent will perform the honours.

Christophe is something of a surprise selection as he hasn't exactly demonstrated a light touch so far this season.

Alan McCormack had been considered for the role, but club officials were keen to prevent him acquiring another unnecessary booking although they stressed it had nothing to do with unproven allegations about him being "lights out" in training.

That Ron Martin statement in full

A few – not many in truth – have commented that I have “gone quiet” over the past two or three weeks whereas supporters would have expected me to obfuscate “as you always do”.

I do not know whether those sentiments are echoed by the majority but I should not like my devout followers to think that the “drama out of a crisis” surrounding HMRC had, in any way, diminished either my enthusiasm for the Club or determination to deliver the “promised land”!

I said at the time of discharging the payment to the “tax man” (on the day of the Gillingham FA Cup game) that a fuller statement would follow. Some of you may have therefore been surprised when the same statement was repeated - albeit with the words about a "fuller statement would follow" deleted.

Some might have even interpreted my next statement that "this brings the matter to a close" as somehow suggesting that this brought the matter to a close, that I would not - unless events conspired to force me to - comment further on the matter in hand, and that things like a transfer embargo were a thing of the past. Such misunderstandings are to be expected by football fans, who lack the business acumen to fully comprehend such matters.

The transaction to enable the £2m payment to HMRC was part of a larger arrangement which “simply” (understatement!) accelerated its conclusion. Like all legal/banking matters there are often complexities that one can hide behind, which provide time to conjure up a suitably plausible explanation. Obviously I am still working on this. [Marissa - is this 500 words yet?]

The period leading up to making the funds available was an intense three, maybe even four years, and the last couple of weeks have been only a little less so. If the club was caught by surprise by its centenary anniversary, which it had only one hundred years to prepare for, I'm sure you can appreciate that HMRC's unwelcome, devastating and entirely justified action left little time to prepare. Therefore please accept my apologies for not keeping you in the loop which I plan to rectify over the next few day, once I work out suitable excuses to explain it all away.

I shall, next week, or quite possibly the week after, be issuing a series of blogs to cover-up such subjects as:

· HMRC – how precisely did the position arise whereby we did not pay tax for three years

· How was the debt paid like I assured you it would be

· The “consortium” and why selling to the devil you don't know (literally in this case, given the "anonymity" and secrecy they managed to hide behind - in stark contrast to my transparent and open dealings regarding the various winding up and administration orders faced) would be less than desirable and how their offer was completely unacceptable and showed a lack of faith in the future of the club.

· My thoughts about the current squad size being far from ideal and how the manager - who has my full and undivided support - must bear responsibility for the failures of his signings. I shall however wait until certain matters have been resolved so that I can refer to delicate matters such as transfer embargoes in the past tense - a luxury I can not currently indulge in.

· The future (apologies if this section seems a little short)

So once again, sorry if you think that supporters have been kept in the dark but that was certainly not the intention for you to realise you had been kept in the dark. Some matters must take priority, others are commercially sensitive and there are only so many hours in the day and my home was on the line.

I look forward to opening up the airways however there are one or two items you can be assured of. Recent events did not “creep up” unnoticed - HMRC wrote at least three warning letters - and whilst the inadvertent advertent “use” of HMRC Bank Plc may not have been well received in all quarters the Club’s approach was one of trying to delay payment to the last possible moment and exaggeration of policy promoted by the Football League in discussion with HMRC. In the event, HMRC had the Government coffers to protect and in doing so had no regard for the fact that my home and business was on the line and all the stress that this caused.

If I can paint this as the gods are looking down from Olympus and competing with each other to see who can screw our Club the hardest, and therefore something completely out of my control, and not at all my fault, then all the better. As football supporters we (see - I am one of you!) are all cursed with a genetic propensity for moaning but the tax man’s efforts to make us obey the law and pay tax like any other person or business was beyond the pale. Not just the passion that is created during 90 minutes on a Saturday, or as with today on a Friday night, but the outstanding contribution the Club makes to the community, social inclusion, charities (because I paid Spencer Prior's money to Little Havens), civic pride and the children of our Town. Do not tell me this would not have been unravelled if HMRC had “won”. And I'd hate to see unravelled children.

I know where I am taking this Club and will not be distracted by the detractors.

To be continued…

Tilson calls on Monopoly Commission to investigate Wolves

Southend manager Steve "Tilly" Tilson has called on the Competition Commission (formerly the Monopoly and Mergers Commission) to investigate Wolverhampton Wanderers, after news emerged that Southend have tried to sign Wolves left-back Scott Malone, 18, on loan.

Malone will become the THIRD Wolves left-back to join Southend on loan in the past 18 months, following Charlie Mulgrew and George Friend. It is believed that another left-back, Daniel Jones, who is now on loan at Notts County was Tilson's original target. Tilson was unable to renew Friend's loan when the Football League blocked the move, allowing Scunthorpe to move in and take the talented, if not pacey, 21 year old on loan to Glanford Park

With Richard Stearman, George Elokobi and Stephen Ward all competing for the left-back spot at Molyneux, it means that Wolves have over twice as many left-backs as Southend have defenders. It was this stunning stat that persuaded Tilson, who earlier this week celebrated his sixth anniversary at the club, to complain to the Competition Commission about Wolves' left-back monopoly.

It is understood that, in line with recent transfer policy, the team coach will pick him up on the way to Tranmere tonight.

Dire Deadman Defends Blue Belle Bookings

Referee David Deadman refused to apologise last night for his dismal performance during the Southend United v MK Franchise Scum encounter.

An error-filled first half display was overshadowed by referee Deadman. But whilst the Blue Belles showed better co-ordination for their second and final routine - almost keeping in time with the music - the talking point of the night was the referee's card happy display and how he brandished no fewer than five yellow cards to the Blue Belles.

He later dismissed suggestions that he got carried away and complained that he had little option than to book all five: "I had no choice whatsoever for the first booking. Following Sepp Blatter's latest directive on women in football it's not enough for Alan McCormack to play or at least moan like one, we also have to adopt Beach Volleyball rules and her shorts did not show enough flesh.

"The second booking was blatantly off-side, which is a clear yellow card in anyone's book. I might have got a bit carried away with the third booking (unused sub Kyle Asante, who was just there to make up the numbers) for just standing there, but the next one the girl definitely kicked above waist high, even if she didn't touch anyone. The final one I booked was right dirty and I didn't like the look of her tackle."


Deadman's card-happy display means that no new signings are now likely to go through before Tuesday night's trip to Prenton Park, as Deadman had to borrow all the fax paper in order to complete his post-match report.

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Lottery Results: the shirt numbers chosen at random to be booked were 21, 26, 4, 7, 9, 11, 6, 5 and 16. Initial forecasts are that only one team in Essex won.

Southend in drive-by signing

Southend signed the first of what manager Steve "Tilly" Tilson hopes will be three loan signings when Essex's premier (and with all respect to Dagenham, only) team managed to pick up Swindon defender Sean Morrison on the way to Yeovil.

However with kick-off just three hours away Tilson's gamble that he'd manage to find en route three players who had brought their boots and were up for a game appears to have misfired.

The Wickford born Blues boss' last hope of filling the bench would appear to rest with persuading the coach driver to carry along the M4 to Bristol and hoping that Bristol City or Rovers have a spare player or two, but heavy traffic could scupper that plan.

Tilson revealed he was also in negotiation with the coach driver to go back a different route to the way they came to see if he could pick up anyone on the way back from Bournemouth, Southampton, Portsmouth or Brighton.

Official: it is on

After days/hours/minutes of intense speculation, it as been confirmed that this afternoon's big event will be staged in Yeovil as planned. Rumours had been circulated that it might be called off, however officials at Huish Park have confirmed that the Southend United annual panto, Snow White and the Four Dwarves, is still on.

The news will come as a disappointment to panto director Steve Tilson. Tilson would dearly have liked more time to prepare and to find another three dwarves. He already had to abandon attempts to stage Jack and the Beanstalk after his giant, Jean-Yves M'voto had to withdraw through injury and Baron Hardup (Ron Martin) sold the cow to Sainsburys and then handed over the magic beans to HMRC.

Martin is likely to be a central figure, along with Geoff King who is set to once again perform the role of the pantomime baddie with such sketches as:

GK: "I never said anything bad about Revell"
Everyone else: "Oh yes you did"

RM: "Who has the warchest?"
GK: "You've got it"
RM: "Oh no, I haven't"


and

GK: "What's happened to our financial difficulties"
RM: "They are behind us"
Unpaid players: "Oh no they are not"

Tilson and Brush linked with vacant job

Southend supremo Steve "Tilly" Tilson and assistant manager Paul Brush are being strongly linked with yet another vacant position in the latest in a long-running saga of unfounded speculation.

Blues chiefs claim they have yet to receive an official approach, but the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk understands that this could change if someone was to get in touch for talks, although the club would resist any such approach and Tilson himself might be reluctant to give up his job security at Roots Hall.

The news comes just days after David Miliband was the latest to rule himself out of the running for the new post of European Union foreign policy, leaving the position wide open for Tilson, despite the fact that no-one has heard of him outside of Southend. And with the post of European President still to be filled and Tony Blair having being ruled out of contention by Gordon Brown backing him, speculation is mounting that Tilson could be tempted away.

Tilson's impressive track record at Southend combined with his Anglo-Italian experiences as a player and his reliance in recent seasons on French players, could make him a leading candidate.

Said a source who has not spoken to either man about it: “Southend may have paid off the £2.1million to the tax man to avoid administration but their position is still precarious,” said the man who had not heard anything about the job speculation until we telephoned him.

"If he’s fed up and the EU are actually offering to pay him on time then he may be tempted and I could understand that.”

Club embrace technology: is Ron Martin a twit?

After a turbulent couple of weeks - if not months - Southend chairman Ron Martin, appears keen to look to the future.

The former Olympian has, despite recently spurning the media, previously been keen on embracing new media - such as his ill-advised venture in blogging culminating in the transfer deadline Night of the Long Knives, now he appears to be set to move into the world of twittering.

Whilst Ron has still officially to sign up for an account - tellingly "becauseImworthit" has still to be taken - the club's latest statements have all been provided in twitter compliant format.

Phil Christopher's Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk blog can exclusively reveal that this is the reason behind the lack of explanation regarding the financial turmoil that has been causing much anguish at the club of late. Instead of a proper explanation fans were told:

"For completeness we can confirm all action by HMRC was dismissed at this am's hearing following release of funds by the Club's Chairman over the weekend. This brings the matter to a close. Love Ron xxx"

Anonymous sources at the club confirmed "Ron is keen to explain all but he finds the 140 character limitation precisely that: a limitation. That sentence alone is over 100 characters so that really doesn't leave much space to blame all the people that Ron wants to blame, so for now Ron will just say nothing."

For now Southend fans will have to do with explanations shorter than Derek Payne and just as frustratingly inept.

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Whilst Ron Martin is still to provide his twitter details, you can follow the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk's star reporter, Phil Christophers at http://twitter.com/pchristophers. You know it makes sense.

Finally!

It has taken weeks in coming.

In that time we've seen numerous deadlines missed and then extended and then missed again.

It has been a very anxious time for those concerned about the future - and indeed whether there was actually going to be a future has been repeatedly questioned as deadline after deadline has slipped past.

I also know that the silence over the subject has unnerved many readers. The lack of meaningful communication will have caused many to doubt the long term intentions - and indeed the trustworthiness - of those involved with the project. Apologies will no doubt be forthcoming to those who fretted, and the question will undoubtedly be raised: should they have shown more faith? Who were they to doubt? But those recriminations can wait for another day because....

drum roll please.........


Yes, finally, it looks as if I've gotten around to updating the Phil Christophers' Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk blog.