Bin Martin: Ron issues Bin Laden style video tape

A tape said to be from the bunker of Martin Dawn chairman, Ron Martin, has been aired on www.southendunited.co.uk, a web-site with known links to Martin Dawn.

Directly addressing supporters losing the faith, the tape is seen by analysts as a direct response to rumours that have been circulating for months that the club was as good as dead. In it Martin offers words of hope and vows to continue the struggle.

The authenticity (of his answers) remains unverified.

Martin, whose health has been in question, has seemingly been laying low of late, reportedly hiding from creditors who seek him high and low. It is believed that he is hiding with his head in the sand.

World Cup Official Sponsors Controversy Latest

FIFA's crackdown on non-official sponsors and ambush marketing took a further twist when it was revealed that no players featuring in adverts for rivals of official matchball sponsor Adidas, would be allowed to participate in the World Cup quarter-finals.

The controversy follows hot on the heels of RobbieEarle-gate, which saw 30 Dutch models arrested for the heinous crime of wearing unofficial merchandising.

The clampdown is a blow for Nike, whose self-indulgent ad features the likes of Rooney (England), Ronaldo (Portugal), Cannavaro (Italy), Ronaldinho (Brazil) and Ribery (France).




With only Brazil bowing to FIFA's requirements and leaving out Ronaldinho, it meant a quarter-final stage bereft of most of Europe's top guns - and Portugal.

Under FIFA's wide ranging powers, Roger Federer was also prevented from progressing past the quarter-finals at Wimbledon, because it is on at the same time as the World Cup.

McCormack: "Disgraceful"

Disgraceful: that was the damning verdict handed out on departed midfielder Alan "first name on the team sheet" McCormack's performances over the last couple of seasons.

In an exclusive interview McCormack revealed that he's been on performance-related pay for the past 6 months. Whilst most League One footballers could expect to take home around two grand a week, McCormack revealed that due to his lacklustre performances in central midfield that led to relegation for the South Essex side, he's been eligible for just two win bonuses in the past 6 months.

It's believed that the former Orient loanee, has received only five goal bonuses in the last two seasons (and even those were mainly thanks to some generous deflections), despite regularly peppering the flats behind the South Bank.

McCormack, who made it clear that he didn't want to slag off his former club, then went onto slag off his former club, the referee and most of his former team-mates.

A spokesman for his former club, Mayhem, declined to comment.

Ron Martin kneecapped over debts

Southend Chairman Ron Martin was yesterday forced to issue a statement in response to growing rumours circulating around South East Essex.

The news emerged after Martin, 57, admitted providing a statement at Rayleigh Police Station following what he described as an "incident".

During the statement Martin confirmed that he had operations on both knees during the last month, for reasons that were described as "necessary as a direct result" of his "commitment to sport over many years".

This is believed to be a thinly veiled reference to his financial commitments in Southend United over the last 12 years.

Whilst Martin has been reluctant to comment on the League Two club's financial difficulties, it has been common knowledge that the club has been in a precarious financial situation. Faced with not one, but two winding up orders over the last season, Chairman Martin was forced to arrange some desperate last minute loans (and we're not just talking about Roy O'Donovan and Jabo Ibhere, although their loan performances were most certainly desperate). It would appear that one of the club's creditors may have taken action into their own hands - and Ron Martin's knees.


WHO MIGHT WANT TO KNEECAP RON MARTIN? - YOU DECIDE!

A - Jamie Oliver, the fat-lipped face of Sainsburys, a major creditor of the club.

B - A disgruntled unpaid former player, such as Alan McCormack.

C - Trevor Bashford of the Trust, whose £60,000 loan remains unpaid.

D - His missus.


Get well soon Ron.

Wembley Pitch Latest

As the football season draws (or in Southend's case presumably just loses) to an end, the hot topic of conversation on everyone's lips is about the state of the Wembley pitch.

The pitch came under severe criticism during last month's FA Cup final.

Managers and pundits were united in their condemnation of the playing surface. "Some teams play all season on pitches resembling beaches, and then come cup final teams are expected to play on a surface where there is grass and where centre-halves won't fall over to gift them incredibly soft goals" said one player, who was only willing to be identified as Adam from Southend. "Fortunately Colchester aren't ever likely to get to a cup final - I mean a proper one, where they'd maybe have to beat their local rivals in the semi-finals, not some crappy non-league one like the FA Vase - but the point still stands, or at least it would try and stand before slipping over and gifting the opposition an undeserved goal."

Wembley bosses were meanwhile trying to reassure spectators and media alike that everything is being done to improve the quality of the pitch.

"We tried to get a massive, stinking pile of manure on the pitch on Sunday" a Wembley official confirmed, "but Rotherham wouldn't co-operate. Apparently they'd have brought him on as sub, but they needed to score and he wasn't going to be much help at that. It's a shame, because he was genuinely the biggest load of s**t I've ever seen."

Crawford hailed as new Fitzpatrick

Southend youngster Harry Crawford was tonight hailed as the new Trevor Fitzpatrick following the shock revelation that he's been called up to Ireland's under 18 squad.

The young forward who has banged in no goals in five appearances has received the call to follow in the illustrious footsteps of Trevor Fitzpatrick. It is thought he qualifies for Ireland through having ginger hair.

Replacement for Barnard found at last

In a 2010 of near unremitting woe, there have been few bright spots for Southend United fans. One of those exceptions however appears to be the form of Scott Spencer.

The young forward signed from Rochdale appears to be the perfect replacement for departed goal-scoring superstar hero, Lee Barnard. Spencer has banged in a goal every 128 minutes.

That's the type of goalscoring form that could soon see him dubbed as the new Lee Barnard.

And the similarities don't end there. Spencer, like Barnard, joined in the January transfer window and has Premiership pedigree, courtesy of his time at Everton. Barnard was of course on Spurs' books prior to his move to Roots Hall where he enjoyed (or endured) an injury hit 18 months before blossoming in the final 6 months of his contract year and leaving on a knock-down fee.

So Spencer, who has only once managed to complete 90 minutes since joining in the transfer window, can officially be crowned the poor man's Barnard (and boy, are Southend poor at the moment, both off and on the pitch) when injury today ruled him out for the rest of the season.