Exclusive: embargo lifted

The embargo preventing Ron Martin from blogging looks finally to have been lifted, the Southend Afternoon Echo can eventually report.

Southend manager Steve "Tilly" Tilson was able to name more than three subs on the bench for the first time in months on Saturday, including reserve goalkeeper/comedy American Ian Joyce. It is believed that Joyce had previously been unable to be named on the bench as part of the terms of the Sean Morrison loan, although the club never actually got round to officially admitting this, much like they never got round to paying their taxes.

A blog from Ron Martin explaining away talk of transfer embargoes in the past tense as a "minor inconvenience" and saying that we should have trusted him all along is expected imminently.

TV appeal for missing man

The hunt for missing man James Walker is set to be boosted by Sky's decision to televise an appeal to find him.

The satellite giant, whose money has largely ruined football, has agreed to schedule a special programme on Monday 8 February 2010 from 7:45pm which is expected to showcase how the 22 year has been missed.

As previously reported, Walker's whereabouts have been uncertain ever since he went missing at Doncaster (from about 6 yards out) one night in May 2008. It is expected that Sky will now try and recreate that fateful night.

Although there were a handful of reports of a sighting on the right-wing Tuesday night
- including a pin-point accurate cross to Jean-François Christophe that the Frenchman somehow contrived not to score from - police remain sceptical. The sighting - and Walker's role in Southend's best moment of the game - appears to have gone by largely unnoticed, whilst police have dismissed a Walker sighting on the right-wing as unlikely, given this was not a known haunt of the 22 year old.

Reports continue to vary considerably as to how dangerous the Hackney-born man is.

Southend 6/1 to pay wages on time this month

It wasn't so much a case of Great Expectations as Bleak House.

Having been told to log onto the official web-site for a "special announcement" from 7am on Friday morning, fans were underwhelmed to discover that the odds of us being able to pay the players' wages this month were 6/1 (available with most bookies, 13/2 if you hunt around).

Still, you've got to give credit to the club for trying - because the banks clearly won't.

Fears intensify over missing man

Police were said to be getting increasingly worried about the safety of missing man James Walker.

The former Charlton man has been on the missing list now for nearly a year since his glorious late equaliser against Orient. Despite reporting sightings in Hereford around September and October - and more recently around the Southend area - there have been no confirmed sightings of the talented front man.

In September we reported on how police were linking his disappearance to that of Essex business man Geoff King.

Suspicions intensified recently when Damien Scannell was used as substitute up front and out of position ahead of Walker against the McDons Franchise and then at Tranmere when the ineffective 86 year old Dougie Freedman was again preferred to start.

However recent developments have led police to conclude that Walker's personal safety is now in serious jeopardy.

Suspicions were first aroused at Yeovil when Ian Joyce was dropped from the bench to make way for loanee Sean Morrison. Subsequent hamstring injuries to untrusted left-back Johnny Herd and "enigmatic" Frenchman Francis Laurent that paved way for the loan signings of Scott Malone and Jabo Ibhere only served to strengthen concern for the well-being of fringe squad members.

Already young midfielder Stuart O'Keefe is under 24 hour police protection and police are now said to be "desperate" to find Walker to ensure his own safety.

Should you know the whereabouts of Walker, Geoff King or the infamous Warchest you are urged to contact crimestoppers immediately.

Southend joins 2018 World Cup bidding

The Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk can exclusively reveal that Southend has made a dramatic late bid to become a 2018 World Cup host city.

The ambitious plan will make use of Southend United's state of the art new stadium at Fossetts Farm, which is due to be completed in 2019.

The bid is seen as the centre-piece in making Southend a modern sports metropolis. It also follows hot on the heels of news that Hadleigh will host the Olympics and Essex County Cricket Club will play their matches at Garons Park whilst the County Ground in Chelmsford is being redeveloped.

To support the bid, the town has rolled out a whole host of former world cup stars with links to the town, such as Efetobore Sodje (Nigeria), Mike Lapper (USA) and Ronnie Whelan (Ireland).

A Southend 2018 official offered an insight into the depth of planning that has gone into the bid: "the plan is to have Ronnie propping up the bar chatting to delegates who like a tipple; Efe will go round grinning and glad-handing; whilst Mike Lapper is to don a pair of plastic tits to neutralise the Gazza effect [Paul Gascoigne is a Newcastle-Gateshead bid ambassador]. We're pretty confident, after all we've got the Olympics and three first class cricket grounds [Garons Park, Southchurch Park and Chalkwell Park] in the town, so a football world cup is the next logical step."

With Hollywood and Southend legend Andy Ansah lending his expertise to the promotional video and thick-lipped, cockney twat and part-time chef, Jamie Oliver, who was born in Southend, promising not to get involved, signs are looking good for the 2018 bid.

Laurent and Christophe to turn on Hockley Xmas lights

Hockley's Christmas lights are set to be turned on with a bit of Gallic Flair this Christmas, with the news that Jean-Francois Christophe and hobbling compatriot Francis Laurent will perform the honours.

Christophe is something of a surprise selection as he hasn't exactly demonstrated a light touch so far this season.

Alan McCormack had been considered for the role, but club officials were keen to prevent him acquiring another unnecessary booking although they stressed it had nothing to do with unproven allegations about him being "lights out" in training.

That Ron Martin statement in full

A few – not many in truth – have commented that I have “gone quiet” over the past two or three weeks whereas supporters would have expected me to obfuscate “as you always do”.

I do not know whether those sentiments are echoed by the majority but I should not like my devout followers to think that the “drama out of a crisis” surrounding HMRC had, in any way, diminished either my enthusiasm for the Club or determination to deliver the “promised land”!

I said at the time of discharging the payment to the “tax man” (on the day of the Gillingham FA Cup game) that a fuller statement would follow. Some of you may have therefore been surprised when the same statement was repeated - albeit with the words about a "fuller statement would follow" deleted.

Some might have even interpreted my next statement that "this brings the matter to a close" as somehow suggesting that this brought the matter to a close, that I would not - unless events conspired to force me to - comment further on the matter in hand, and that things like a transfer embargo were a thing of the past. Such misunderstandings are to be expected by football fans, who lack the business acumen to fully comprehend such matters.

The transaction to enable the £2m payment to HMRC was part of a larger arrangement which “simply” (understatement!) accelerated its conclusion. Like all legal/banking matters there are often complexities that one can hide behind, which provide time to conjure up a suitably plausible explanation. Obviously I am still working on this. [Marissa - is this 500 words yet?]

The period leading up to making the funds available was an intense three, maybe even four years, and the last couple of weeks have been only a little less so. If the club was caught by surprise by its centenary anniversary, which it had only one hundred years to prepare for, I'm sure you can appreciate that HMRC's unwelcome, devastating and entirely justified action left little time to prepare. Therefore please accept my apologies for not keeping you in the loop which I plan to rectify over the next few day, once I work out suitable excuses to explain it all away.

I shall, next week, or quite possibly the week after, be issuing a series of blogs to cover-up such subjects as:

· HMRC – how precisely did the position arise whereby we did not pay tax for three years

· How was the debt paid like I assured you it would be

· The “consortium” and why selling to the devil you don't know (literally in this case, given the "anonymity" and secrecy they managed to hide behind - in stark contrast to my transparent and open dealings regarding the various winding up and administration orders faced) would be less than desirable and how their offer was completely unacceptable and showed a lack of faith in the future of the club.

· My thoughts about the current squad size being far from ideal and how the manager - who has my full and undivided support - must bear responsibility for the failures of his signings. I shall however wait until certain matters have been resolved so that I can refer to delicate matters such as transfer embargoes in the past tense - a luxury I can not currently indulge in.

· The future (apologies if this section seems a little short)

So once again, sorry if you think that supporters have been kept in the dark but that was certainly not the intention for you to realise you had been kept in the dark. Some matters must take priority, others are commercially sensitive and there are only so many hours in the day and my home was on the line.

I look forward to opening up the airways however there are one or two items you can be assured of. Recent events did not “creep up” unnoticed - HMRC wrote at least three warning letters - and whilst the inadvertent advertent “use” of HMRC Bank Plc may not have been well received in all quarters the Club’s approach was one of trying to delay payment to the last possible moment and exaggeration of policy promoted by the Football League in discussion with HMRC. In the event, HMRC had the Government coffers to protect and in doing so had no regard for the fact that my home and business was on the line and all the stress that this caused.

If I can paint this as the gods are looking down from Olympus and competing with each other to see who can screw our Club the hardest, and therefore something completely out of my control, and not at all my fault, then all the better. As football supporters we (see - I am one of you!) are all cursed with a genetic propensity for moaning but the tax man’s efforts to make us obey the law and pay tax like any other person or business was beyond the pale. Not just the passion that is created during 90 minutes on a Saturday, or as with today on a Friday night, but the outstanding contribution the Club makes to the community, social inclusion, charities (because I paid Spencer Prior's money to Little Havens), civic pride and the children of our Town. Do not tell me this would not have been unravelled if HMRC had “won”. And I'd hate to see unravelled children.

I know where I am taking this Club and will not be distracted by the detractors.

To be continued…

Tilson calls on Monopoly Commission to investigate Wolves

Southend manager Steve "Tilly" Tilson has called on the Competition Commission (formerly the Monopoly and Mergers Commission) to investigate Wolverhampton Wanderers, after news emerged that Southend have tried to sign Wolves left-back Scott Malone, 18, on loan.

Malone will become the THIRD Wolves left-back to join Southend on loan in the past 18 months, following Charlie Mulgrew and George Friend. It is believed that another left-back, Daniel Jones, who is now on loan at Notts County was Tilson's original target. Tilson was unable to renew Friend's loan when the Football League blocked the move, allowing Scunthorpe to move in and take the talented, if not pacey, 21 year old on loan to Glanford Park

With Richard Stearman, George Elokobi and Stephen Ward all competing for the left-back spot at Molyneux, it means that Wolves have over twice as many left-backs as Southend have defenders. It was this stunning stat that persuaded Tilson, who earlier this week celebrated his sixth anniversary at the club, to complain to the Competition Commission about Wolves' left-back monopoly.

It is understood that, in line with recent transfer policy, the team coach will pick him up on the way to Tranmere tonight.

Dire Deadman Defends Blue Belle Bookings

Referee David Deadman refused to apologise last night for his dismal performance during the Southend United v MK Franchise Scum encounter.

An error-filled first half display was overshadowed by referee Deadman. But whilst the Blue Belles showed better co-ordination for their second and final routine - almost keeping in time with the music - the talking point of the night was the referee's card happy display and how he brandished no fewer than five yellow cards to the Blue Belles.

He later dismissed suggestions that he got carried away and complained that he had little option than to book all five: "I had no choice whatsoever for the first booking. Following Sepp Blatter's latest directive on women in football it's not enough for Alan McCormack to play or at least moan like one, we also have to adopt Beach Volleyball rules and her shorts did not show enough flesh.

"The second booking was blatantly off-side, which is a clear yellow card in anyone's book. I might have got a bit carried away with the third booking (unused sub Kyle Asante, who was just there to make up the numbers) for just standing there, but the next one the girl definitely kicked above waist high, even if she didn't touch anyone. The final one I booked was right dirty and I didn't like the look of her tackle."


Deadman's card-happy display means that no new signings are now likely to go through before Tuesday night's trip to Prenton Park, as Deadman had to borrow all the fax paper in order to complete his post-match report.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lottery Results: the shirt numbers chosen at random to be booked were 21, 26, 4, 7, 9, 11, 6, 5 and 16. Initial forecasts are that only one team in Essex won.

Southend in drive-by signing

Southend signed the first of what manager Steve "Tilly" Tilson hopes will be three loan signings when Essex's premier (and with all respect to Dagenham, only) team managed to pick up Swindon defender Sean Morrison on the way to Yeovil.

However with kick-off just three hours away Tilson's gamble that he'd manage to find en route three players who had brought their boots and were up for a game appears to have misfired.

The Wickford born Blues boss' last hope of filling the bench would appear to rest with persuading the coach driver to carry along the M4 to Bristol and hoping that Bristol City or Rovers have a spare player or two, but heavy traffic could scupper that plan.

Tilson revealed he was also in negotiation with the coach driver to go back a different route to the way they came to see if he could pick up anyone on the way back from Bournemouth, Southampton, Portsmouth or Brighton.

Official: it is on

After days/hours/minutes of intense speculation, it as been confirmed that this afternoon's big event will be staged in Yeovil as planned. Rumours had been circulated that it might be called off, however officials at Huish Park have confirmed that the Southend United annual panto, Snow White and the Four Dwarves, is still on.

The news will come as a disappointment to panto director Steve Tilson. Tilson would dearly have liked more time to prepare and to find another three dwarves. He already had to abandon attempts to stage Jack and the Beanstalk after his giant, Jean-Yves M'voto had to withdraw through injury and Baron Hardup (Ron Martin) sold the cow to Sainsburys and then handed over the magic beans to HMRC.

Martin is likely to be a central figure, along with Geoff King who is set to once again perform the role of the pantomime baddie with such sketches as:

GK: "I never said anything bad about Revell"
Everyone else: "Oh yes you did"

RM: "Who has the warchest?"
GK: "You've got it"
RM: "Oh no, I haven't"


and

GK: "What's happened to our financial difficulties"
RM: "They are behind us"
Unpaid players: "Oh no they are not"

Tilson and Brush linked with vacant job

Southend supremo Steve "Tilly" Tilson and assistant manager Paul Brush are being strongly linked with yet another vacant position in the latest in a long-running saga of unfounded speculation.

Blues chiefs claim they have yet to receive an official approach, but the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk understands that this could change if someone was to get in touch for talks, although the club would resist any such approach and Tilson himself might be reluctant to give up his job security at Roots Hall.

The news comes just days after David Miliband was the latest to rule himself out of the running for the new post of European Union foreign policy, leaving the position wide open for Tilson, despite the fact that no-one has heard of him outside of Southend. And with the post of European President still to be filled and Tony Blair having being ruled out of contention by Gordon Brown backing him, speculation is mounting that Tilson could be tempted away.

Tilson's impressive track record at Southend combined with his Anglo-Italian experiences as a player and his reliance in recent seasons on French players, could make him a leading candidate.

Said a source who has not spoken to either man about it: “Southend may have paid off the £2.1million to the tax man to avoid administration but their position is still precarious,” said the man who had not heard anything about the job speculation until we telephoned him.

"If he’s fed up and the EU are actually offering to pay him on time then he may be tempted and I could understand that.”

Club embrace technology: is Ron Martin a twit?

After a turbulent couple of weeks - if not months - Southend chairman Ron Martin, appears keen to look to the future.

The former Olympian has, despite recently spurning the media, previously been keen on embracing new media - such as his ill-advised venture in blogging culminating in the transfer deadline Night of the Long Knives, now he appears to be set to move into the world of twittering.

Whilst Ron has still officially to sign up for an account - tellingly "becauseImworthit" has still to be taken - the club's latest statements have all been provided in twitter compliant format.

Phil Christopher's Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk blog can exclusively reveal that this is the reason behind the lack of explanation regarding the financial turmoil that has been causing much anguish at the club of late. Instead of a proper explanation fans were told:

"For completeness we can confirm all action by HMRC was dismissed at this am's hearing following release of funds by the Club's Chairman over the weekend. This brings the matter to a close. Love Ron xxx"

Anonymous sources at the club confirmed "Ron is keen to explain all but he finds the 140 character limitation precisely that: a limitation. That sentence alone is over 100 characters so that really doesn't leave much space to blame all the people that Ron wants to blame, so for now Ron will just say nothing."

For now Southend fans will have to do with explanations shorter than Derek Payne and just as frustratingly inept.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whilst Ron Martin is still to provide his twitter details, you can follow the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk's star reporter, Phil Christophers at http://twitter.com/pchristophers. You know it makes sense.

Finally!

It has taken weeks in coming.

In that time we've seen numerous deadlines missed and then extended and then missed again.

It has been a very anxious time for those concerned about the future - and indeed whether there was actually going to be a future has been repeatedly questioned as deadline after deadline has slipped past.

I also know that the silence over the subject has unnerved many readers. The lack of meaningful communication will have caused many to doubt the long term intentions - and indeed the trustworthiness - of those involved with the project. Apologies will no doubt be forthcoming to those who fretted, and the question will undoubtedly be raised: should they have shown more faith? Who were they to doubt? But those recriminations can wait for another day because....

drum roll please.........


Yes, finally, it looks as if I've gotten around to updating the Phil Christophers' Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk blog.

Fans group together to buy Tilson new cat

Southend fans bemused by the continual omission of attacking midfielder Lee Sawyer have grouped together to buy Southend manager Steve "Tilly" Tilson a new cat.

The cat is to replace the one Lee "Asbo" Sawyer presumably ran over on his grifter.

The kitten is to be called Macca so Tilly won't drop it.

Refs refuse to apologise

The referees for last Saturday's game against Oldham and Tuesday night's trip to Brentford have controversially refused to follow the precedent set by Mick Russell, of apologising for a diabolical performance.

Earlier this season Russell was man enough to admit that he got three critical decisions wrong in Southend's 2-1 defeat at Swindon when he sent off Jean-Francois Christophe for being hacked, missed two blatant fouls in the build up to Swindon's first goal and then turned down a penalty for a clear foul of Franck Moussa.

However referee Keith Hill lived up to his reputation with an overly fussy performance in which football was only occasionally allowed to punctuate the constant flow of the referee's whistle. He then capped off a typically inept display with a controversial penalty. On-lookers suggested that Hill, who suffers from the disability of being crap, may have been blinded by Oldham's radioactive kit.

Oldham manager Dave Penney defended Oldham's kit saying that he designed it himself and you try coming up with a better one (including a goalkeepers' shirt) in 5 minutes using just highlighter pens.

Keith Hill's guide-dog was unavailable for comment.

God knows what the excuse for Tuesday night's ref was though.

Police link missing man cases

Police are growing concerned about the where-abouts of missing Essex business- man Geoff King.

The Southend United Chief Executive has not been seen since he caused controversy earlier this month by undermining his manager and a player still under contract. He was expected to have commented on the departure of yet another player today, but was not available for comment.

Essex Police are linking his disappearance to that of Alex Revell's earlier this month and of Jimmy Walker who has been missing for months.

Police are looking into a suspected sighting of Walker in Hereford and think that Geoff King might now be locked in a cupboard instead of Walker. Anyone who knows of his whereabouts is advised to keep quiet for everyone's sake.

Did Prince Rajcomar run off Ron Martin's war-chest?

After a week of intense investigations, the Southend Afternoon Echo Sportsdesk is ready to exclusively spill the beans on the story behind why triallist Prince Rajcomar might have failed to turn up for a reserve team game against Northampton.

The trail began last week when the club's official web-site announced Prince in Trial to Become King. For once scooping rather than copying the Echo, the club web-site named Prince Rajcomar, a former Holland u21 international, in the starting XI to play Northampton Town Reserves at Roots Hall that afternoon.

However come game time, it was Blues youngster, Harry Crawford playing in his place. This set tongues wagging and sparked a Southend Afternoon Echo Sportdesk investigation that has produced some astounding findings.

• Prince Rajcomar's full name is "Prince Linval Reuben Mathilda Rajcomar".

• Prince Linval Reuben Mathilda Rajcomar is the type of exotic name used by Nigerian 419 scammers.

• 419 scammers are skilled at writing letters offering extravagant promises that are too good be to true, such as their client played for the Dutch u21 side.

• Southend chairman Ron Martin has experience of being an entirely innocent victim in a fraud case - remember that Gloucestershire Councillor when Chairman Ron was innocent but was arrested and questioned. This suggests that he might be easily duped. As does that Richie Foran transfer fee and contract.
  

• Sources (wikipedia, no less) suggest this is not the first time that Rajcomar has failed to turn up, following an incident when he failed to play at Carlisle due to "visa" problems. This pattern of unreliability is probably consistent with that of a 419 scam artist.

• "Sorry I got the wrong airport" is a particularly lame excuse.
  

All the above evidence leads the Southend Afternoon Echo to fear that Southend United may have fallen victim to an elaborate hoax. Did Ron Martin provide details of the club's bank account and non-existent overdraft? Has Prince Rajcomar siphoned off the infamous war-chest? Will this Rajcomar character ever be seen again? Will the war-chest ever be seen again? How exactly does one manage to turn up to the wrong airport? What has been stolen from a garden shed in Southchurch? [Ed - that's been answered it's lead story on page 4]

At the time of going to print, the Southend Afternoon Echo had been unable to receive reassurance that all this was made up nonsense, probably because we did bother to contact the club, who we are no longer speaking terms with, following an article which libelled Ron Martin's hair.

Walker to Hereford

Eddie Murphy look-a-like, James Walker has joined League two side Hereford United on a month's loan.

Geoff King was unavailable for comment.

Club Opens South Stand for Brighton

Southend United today announced that they will open the South Upper Stand for Saturday's League One clash at Brighton.

Explaining the move a club spokesman noted that although Southend is some 60 miles away from Brighton, it is actually closer to the pitch than the away end at the Withdean Stadium.

Whilst acknowledging the fact that the South Stand was pointing in the wrong direction meant it was not ideal, the spokesman emphasised:

• you'd actually get a roof;
• you don't have to buy a ticket in advance;
  
• you'd get a lie-in and would save on travel costs;
  
• not even Geoff King would dream of charging you £20 to see nothing; and
• you wouldn't have to put up with yet watching corner after corner failing to beat the first man.
  

A similar scheme for the West Stand was rejected over concerns that the pillars would restrict the view.

League in Southend Embargo

The Football League have controversially put on embargo on discussing whether Southend United are subject to a Chelsea-style transfer ban.

Rumours have been circulated on the internet from what have been described as "very reliable sources" [(c) every internet rumour ever] that due to financial reasons Southend will not be allowed to make any signings without League consent.

When pressed about whether these reports were in fact true, the Football League sensationally revealed that they would never confirm nor deny that a club was subject to a transfer embargo.

The rumours follow hot on the heels of Southend signing Roy O'Donovan on loan. Southend manager Steve "Tilly" Tilson turned to Irishman O'Donovan after triallist Prince Rajcomar failed to turn up to yesterday's reserve game after missing his flight.

Southend in big name signing?

Sources close to the club were last night refusing to be drawn on speculation linking the Essex Riviera club to a big name striker.

It is known that with only five defenders on the club's books, manager Steve "Tilly" Tilson is desperate to sign another striker to fire the League One club to promotion.

With Southend struggling for points, Dutch striker of Indian descent, Prince Linval Reuben Mathilda Rajcomar, is the latest to be linked. He could be worth an extra whopping 60 points in scrabble (excluding triple or double letter/word bonuses), which when combined with Alan McCormack's disciplinary points would make the Blues firm favourites to run away with the title this season.

It is expected that he'll play for the reserves this afternoon before we are told that he is no better than we already have.

Barnard in new injury scare?

Southend forward Lee Barnard is facing the possibility of yet another injury set-back following Friday night's disappointing goalless draw against Leeds.

The Blues' top-scorer managed to pick up the injury when he kicked himself after missing a penalty. Southend will be desperate that the striker, who is as delicate as my head was last Sunday morning, will be fit and available to face Brighton on Saturday.

McCormack "worth less than a kid who struggles for a game in our depleted reserves"

Michael Ng-who?, a sixteen year old nobody had ever heard of, has joined Liverpool for a reported fee of £250,000.

The deal is £50,000 more than was recently offered for first name on the team sheet Alan McCormack.

Echo Exclusive: Planning Permission Granted for New Stadium

The Southend Afternoon Echo can today exclusively reveal the exact same story that we posted a couple of months ago.

As there is no news (thefts from sheds are down) and we need to fill our pages, we were going to re-run a negative story, but thought that would appear churlish in light of our recent spat with Ron Martin.

So instead of rehashing a story that an access road still hadn't been sorted out yet (without mentioning the possibility of a compulsory purchase order) that would make it sound as if the whole new stadium project - and with it the future of Southend United - was under threat, we've instead decided to concentrate on the positives and remind everyone that planning permission has been granted. Hoorah!



Related links
26 June story
10 September story

Echo Exclusive: Local team set to win World Cup

Whilst most of the country celebrated England's stunning victory over Croatia in Friday night by going overboard in suggesting that England would now win the world cup, it was extra special for fans of one local (sic) team.

As everyone knows - because delusional W*** H** fans (Ed: tautology) keep on banging on about it in the hope that if they repeat it enough times it might become true - W*** H** "won" the World Cup in 1966 because Bobby Charlton, Alan Ball, Gordon Banks etc were crap and contributed nothing.

Now W*** H** look like repeating the trick of "winning the World Cup" for a second time because England happen to have qualified with W*** H** providing reserve keeper Rob Green and back-up centre-half Matthew Upson.

With the W*** H** academy having also provided the likes of Frank Lampard (only fulfilled his potential once he moved to Chelsea, despised by Hamsters for moving onto a bigger club); Jermaine Defoe (illegally poached from Charlton, reviled by Hamsters as a Judas); and the dozy defensive duo of Rio Ferdinand and Glenn Jonhson (who are liable to nod off at any moment, that is if Rio remembers to turn up in the first place) we are now set to have to put up with more of this bollocks about the academy of football.

The revelation that Fabio Capello's second cousin's aunt's dog once met the Krays, will only strengthen this link. One Hamster fan took time out of trying to disgrace English football through their riot with Millwall, to add "If Fabio's cousin once met the Krays that's good enough for me. It's well known that Ronnie was an Iron, so Fabio may be Italian, but he's one of us, innit."



Related news

W*** H** to sell World Cup?

W*** H** today confirmed that if they win the World Cup again, like they supposedly did in 1966, that they would sell it. A spokesman said it was in-line with their policy not to hold onto anything valuable, and that if you lived round here, you wouldn't keep anything valuable on you either.

The spokesman went onto dismiss suggestions that it would be difficult to sell without ownership papers, noting that not having the correct paperwork never stopped the Tevez transfer and that even if they got caught, the Premier League would let them off with a slap on the wrist again.

I'm a Shrimper through and through

Southend bagged their first win of the season last Friday, but Lee Barnard's hat-trick against our local rivals Leyton Orient was overshadowed by far more serious concerns.

I'm talking about the players' body language which suggested extreme concern over the finances at the club, the sort of concerns that might have been provoked by inflammatory pieces in the local newspaper by their intrepid sports reporter and that the club would categorise as irresponsible.

Chairman Ron responded scathingly about both the newspaper and me.

What I will say is that nobody is a bigger fan than me (well actually, that guy in the West Stand who sometimes takes his shirt off and dances is definitely bigger than me). I go to every Southend game home and away, that's how dedicated I am. I even go to the games that Paul Clark doesn't go to, that's why I sometimes do the radio commentary on BBC Essex. That makes me a bigger fan than Paul Clark and he played 300+ times for the club and always gave 100%.

This is my 20-somethingth season following the Shrimpers. I was here before Ron Martin and I'll be here after Ron Martin. Yes, that is a sly dig at Uncle Ron to suggest that I don't think he's here for the long term, whereas I'll be here even after I ditch the notepad - if there's still a club to support.

What is clear is that there are serious questions to be asked about the club's finances. And who could be better qualified to answer those serious questions than an uber-fan? Because if you need someone to guide you through the intricate world of business, finance and planning, someone who can tell if Ron Martin is fobbing you off with a bull**** answer or has a genuine point, you don't need business experience or qualifications, you need passion. I'll tell you this much: Ron Martin wouldn't sack me for a lack of passion in the eyes.

[Original article is here]